The Dirty Truth
by Englandaru
Summary: This fanfiction is disgusting. That is all. Hetalia is not mine THANK GOODNESS, or /this/ would have happened M for grossness. REVEIW. PLEASE.


Arthur Kirkland and Alfred Jones, the personifications of the United States and England sat comfortably together on the couch in Arthur's living room watching a movie. Arthur and Alfred had been officially dating now for several months and had yet to have a problem with each other's company in their home, so they had resolved to moving into the same house to spend as much time as possible together.

The two men did everything together, they ate together, slept together, brushed their teeth together, got dressed together. Living in the same house meant that it was difficult for them to do anything without the other knowing.

Neither of them however minded that fact, and the two went on continuing to share everything with each other happily.

Or so they _thought_ they shared everything.

Arthur sighed and shifted in his place next to his lover. The movie Alfred had chosen to watch was a long one which was surprising since long movies usually lost the interest of the energetic American. Arthur however, being more refined, usually enjoyed movies with long descriptive plots, but he found that tonight, he was the one having trouble staying focused.

Arthurs emerald green eyes wandered once again from the TV screen to somewhere else in the room, this time, it was the coffee table which was littered with empty bottles and cans. Arthur adverted his eyes from the mess quickly and shifted himself again to more of an upright position.

The more the movie dragged on, the more uncomfortable Arthur became and the harder it was for him to deny the fact that he had to go to the bathroom. Now of course going to the bathroom shouldn't be an issue, but to Arthur it was. You see, being the gentleman he was, Arthur found that the sounds that came from the process of empting his body of waste were absolutely disgusting and quite rude to whomever else might happen to be loitering about. Yes the sounds, smells and sight of anything that had to do with the very personal matter of relieving yourself embarrassed Arthur to no end.

Alone, going to the relieving himself was no problem, he simply went and was done with it, but with the company of another person, it was an entirely different story. Especially when that someone just happened to be his loving boyfriend.

Arthur simply never wanted Alfred to hear, smell, or see him urinating or especially defecating.

And Arthur had done well in ensuring that that never happed since he and Alfred had begun dating. His plan was simple, he used the bathroom when Alfred left or he used the bathroom furthest away from where his lover was.

But tonight Alfred was home and he wasn't doing anything particularly noisy so Arthur was just going to have to bite the bullet and go with him right down stairs.

Arthur casualty stretched his arms and leaned closer to his boyfriend before sliding off the couch and standing up gaining the full attention of the other male.

The short British man stood there awkwardly for a second, ruffling his hand through his messy blonde hair and blushing at the incredulous looks his lover was giving him, before finally mumbling that he was "running to the loo" and would "be back in a jiffy".

Running was an understatement. The second he turned the corner of the living room, Arthur practically sprinted up the stairs and into the guest bedroom slamming the bathroom door and yanking his pants down causing him to have to do and odd shimmy to the toilet.

Darn nature for making him have to "go number two" at a moment like this.

Once Arthur was seated properly and was sure that no one could hear him he began to allow his bowels to do their job. Arthur never got very far however before the door to the bathroom was unceremoniously swung open revealing a very angry looking Alfred, who stepped in with balled fists.

Arthur's reaction was nothing less than what could be expected from some whose greatest fear had just been realized.

He screamed bloody murder and began to cry, covering his eyes and laying his head on his bare lap, sobbing and screaming. Alfred stared at Arthur for a moment, confused and slightly worried, before walking over to where he sat and kneeling down right in front of his trembling form so he would be at eye level with the Brit if he were to sit up.

"Arthur…" the American started in a harsh tone "Why do you always wait until I'm gone to go to the bathroom?"

Arthurs head shot up and he glared at his boyfriend through his teary eyes.

"GET OUT OF HERE THIS INSTANT!" he hollered, not caring if his response was late. Who did he think he was barging in when he was using the restroom? Who did that! And-oh, Alfred had noticed that he magically never had to use the bathroom since they had gotten together.

"No" Alfred replied simply, crossing his arms over his chest with a stern look on his face. "If we are going to live together Arthur, then that means we are going to see the worst parts of each other, which includes things like using the bathroom. Its natural honey, everyone does it, I do it too! And it's not like I've never seen your butt before! I see it almost every night." Alfred smirked at the last part holding back the urge to laugh at Arthurs shocked face and stood up, covering his chest with his arms again and furrowing his brow.

Arthur whimpered at Alfred's harsh words. He was right of course, it wasn't anything new for Alfred to see his body in all its glory, but using the restroom was different, and now was most definitely not the time to be talking about this.

"Okay okay I get it, now leave!" he replied shakily, still disturbed by Alfred's abrupt appearance.

"No." Alfred stated plainly again. He wasn't going to let Arthur off that easily. If Arthur was worried about him being around when he did his business, then Alfred would give him a good reason to be.

"What! " Arthur yelled angrily. How did this fool expect him to finish with him standing there? Unless…

"You're going with me in here." Alfred commanded.

Arthur blanched, his heart began to pound faster and he stared to get that prickly feeling under his arms.

"No, no, no, no, no!" Arthur begged, "I can't go with you in here! That's- that's… disgusting! "

Alfred had no reply but a cold stare. He wasn't budging.

Finally after about five minutes of Arthur waiting for Alfred to give up the sighed and looked up at his lover who was still staring at him.

"O-ok… f-Fine!" Arthur swallowed hard and looked down; allowing his muscles to relax enough for the feces to drop down from his rectum into the toilet, cause loud plopping sounds and splashes. Arthur sat still for a moment hoping his body was finished and was horrified when another round of poop came out making a loud, wet farting sound.

By the time he was finished, a fresh round of tears had poured their way down Arthurs face and on to his bare legs. "T-There, I'm done…" he said quietly looking tentatively up at his boyfriend hoping he wouldn't make fun of him.

"Good boy!" Alfred crooned clasping his hands together in front of his chest and putting on an obviously fake, too-wide smile. "Don't treat me like a toddler!" Arthur snapped back, clearly angry about the way he was being treated. "Well then don't act like one!" Alfred growled back obviously still irritated by the fact that Arthur was afraid to use the restroom in the same house as him. "You know what to do next! Stand up and wipe yourself!"

Arthur's eyes widened and he fought back more tears, but he didn't argue this time. He knew that this American was no force to be reckoned with. Slowly he stood up and reached behind him, never taking his eyes of off Alfred, and grabbed some toilet paper off the spindle, beginning to wipe.

"Turn around…." Alfred commanded in a low growl. Arthur did as he said and continued, trembling as he slipped his hand in between the cheeks and wiped around his anus, finishing by dropping the paper into the toilet and flushing, hurriedly pulling up his pants after and shuffling to the sink to wash his hands.

Alfred continued watching as the shorter man washed his trembling hands and started to feel a little guilty. When Arthur was finished Alfred scooped him into his arms with the towel and sat them on the side of the tub with him, drying the shaking Brits hands for him and finally just holding him close to his chest while he sobbed. Alfred winced at one particularly loud cry and finally pried Arthur away from him, holding him back some and taking a good look. He sighed as he looked at the personification of England's red face and wondered momentarily why this was bothering him this much before pulling him into another hug.

"I'm sorry." he murmured against Arthur's temple as the smaller man sniffled and clutched on to his shirt. Finally once Arthur had calmed down some, Alfred scooped him up bridal style, ignoring his yelp of protest and brought him back down to the sofa.

"Next time you have to go to the bathroom, just be happy that I'm not in the same room."

Arthur nodded his head and gave Alfred a quick kiss on the forehead before hiding his face in his shirt again. Going to the bathroom when Alfred was home wouldn't be a problem anymore.

The next time he went to the restroom, the only thing he would be worried about is ensuring that the door is actually locked.


End file.
